I dont make resolutions on a regular basis. I dont know if it is because I am afraid to fail myself or if I am just lazy, or maybe I am content with the way things are, so why resolve to change anything? This year I am actually thinking about resolutions and I may actually make some...or one. I wouldnt want to be too ambitious. The thing that seems to escape me the most is time. I can always find a reason not to do something based upon time. If something isnt on the calendar, then it is basically not going to happen. Darin and I have been trying to get away together for more than a year and it hasnt happened...never made it to the calendar. We have also been wanting to get to CT to see friends and family, and again, it hasnt happened.
Our kids are not involved in lots of activities, so I dont know how the time gets booked. Maybe we dont actually do anything, but I feel busy.
It seems like a smart resolution would be to set aside time for specific things, but should I try to balance the time between family things and ME time? I would love a little more ME time. But then again, this isnt supposed to be about me. I know I lose my sense of self with this mothering job, but I think that is normal. I think I would be a better mom if I felt more like myself. My kids deserve to know me, the real me, the person I was when I fell in love with their dad. But is it reasonable to say that I have to leave them in order to rediscover that person? Why can't I just remember all the things I liked about myself when I am around my kids and let my strengths shine through? Why doesnt Darin feel like he needs to leave for the same reasons? Should I be trying to find time for Darin to be alone?
All this resolution stuff is just leading to more and more questions. I should just resolve to do something that may improve my life and then hope for the best. In the meantime, since ME time isnt going to happen today, I should make the most of the time I have at home and get some things done around here.
No comments:
Post a Comment