Daycare again?

I have been meaning to write again for more than a week. That last post is heavy duty. I have been making a stronger effort to listen and I have decided to be more patient and make decisions more slowly than I usually do. I am no longer afraid of the answer that I might get if I ask God about His plan for me. I got the chance to go to mass without children and it was exactly what I needed. The priest challenged us to ask God what he wants. I nudged Darin and smiled and later explained that I wasn't surprised to hear the priest say what he did, it simply reaffirmed that God knows what we need and when we need it.

Now we are deciding how to change my work schedule or if we should change my work schedule to allow for more family time. It would mean day care, which we are not against, but haven't needed for 5 years. It would mean more money coming in and a little more going out. It would mean getting kids cleaner and more presentable on a regular basis. Probably spending more time matching socks than I do now, more time planning meals and packing diaper bags. Maybe I could get to the gym on a regular basis? Who knows. There are so many possibilities and options to consider. There don't seem to be any blatant roadblocks right now so maybe this is the right thing to do for us. Nothing we do is ever permanent, so any change would be "for now."

The tough part is that I keep thinking I am doing this for selfish reasons. I want my weekends back. I want to have some time to myself that I don't get right now and somehow I think daycare might be the answer to that. But will the kids benefit from having a mom who gets a little time to herself, or will they suffer because they don't have a parent with them all the time? Am I supposed to try this and see if the results are good? Isn't the damage done by then?

Details to think about and options to consider, but for now, just follow the clear path and listen and trust.